Honeymoon by James Patterson

I have no idea why this novel is called Honeymoon. There wasn't even a honeymoon in the story. I guess after you become the most prolific author in the world, titles don't mean so much.

The story is about the stunningly beautiful brunette Nora who happens to kill the men in her life for money. She raises a few red flags when she transfers a huge sum of money from her most recently dead beaus account into her own, and an investigation begins. An insurance agent named John O'Hara poses as an insurance salesman who steps into her life and makes the near fatal mistake of sleeping with her. They go through a small period of cat and mouse and eventually justice is served.

There is a B story about a briefcase and some offshore accounts. It was supposed to tie the story together and I think may have tried to make some sweeping commentary on american politics, but it was too little too late. You couldn't add weight to this book even if you put an anvil on it.

This book is complicated, recommendation-wise. Although I can't say that I recommend this book, I could definitely use this opportunity to recommend James Patterson novels in general, especially this one (know what I mean?). It is an extremely fast addicting read. I can't say I'm better for it. The chapters are short, the women are beautiful. The plot is sparse, as if it just a backdrop for the antics of the glossy magazine characters. Its complicated, but you can't say the same about the story

You've Been Warned by James Patterson and Howard Roughan

This book has two stars on amazon. I didn't think it was so bad. I mean, it isn't something I would read again but it was quick and served its purpose as a one-chapter-before-bed novel. Well, it wasn't so great at that because I have to admit that I had a nightmare over it once. Just once though. 

This book is a first person point of view about a young nanny/photographer in New York City. (It seems everyone is a something-slash-something in New York City, but thats neither here nor there). She starts having peculiar things happen to her which makes the audience thinks she is crazy, but she accepts them in a dreamlike way. The peculiar things are very crazyperson-like like hearing music in her head or seeing cockroaches on her skin but it turns out she is in hell. You would think hell is slightly scarier than a bad trip, but no, it turns out that the big reveal is that she is in full-on serious hell. I know. I KNOW.

The second kick in the pants is why she is in hell. It turns out that she is in hell for sleeping with a married man, not taking part in the murders that lie central to the story. At the end of the story you get the same feeling you got when it turned out that the book your parents gave you in middle school had a lesson.

About half way through I felt as though the story was just a nice exposition on what it might feel like to be a crazy person. In that way the book excelled. I understood some of her actions as strange as they might have looked from a street observer.

It probably got two stars because it felt like a particularly bad Sunday school lesson by the final chapter. Be even the most innocent of mistresses and you'll end up in hell. Even if you are in love, even if your a photographer. You will end up in the helliest hell you've ever helled. Its like when you are watching a cooking documentary and it turned out it was sponsored by PETA. It turned out that the moral of this book was Jesus.

Well played James Patterson.

Chicken Soup for the Soul: Runners

I'm glad I read Born to Run already, because if this was the first running book I'd read I would quit altogether. Maybe I'd quit running too. This book wasn't inspirational. I know that people can write more inspirational stories about running, every issue of Runner's World Magazine has something honestly inspirational in it.


Going into this you know that its going to be hit or miss. There are 31 stories, 31 individual contributors, and at least one of them is going to just downright suck. It just wish there was at least one great one.

Some of the short stories were memorable. One was about this guy that started running because he started seeing an obese neighbor running past his house twice every single day. He starts running because he is fat-shamed into thinking he is less fit than an obese person. After his marathon, he talks to her and finds that she had just been running to Mcdonalds to read the paper every morning. That one made me laugh out loud. Then there was this other one about a girl that proclaims that she used to be fat and unhappy. Now that she runs every single day and spends hours at the gym and never eats, she, at 18 years old, is the happiest she has ever been. I laughed out loud at that one too.

It just didn't feel like they dug very deep. Sure runners are supposed to be healthier, thinner, happier, more beautiful people that statistically will make more money in thier lives, but geez, it seemed like the only thing they ever talked about was how thin and happy they were.

Over-the-top Ultramarathoner Dean Karnazes' story was billed to be the biggest draw. He is on the cover and the same photo is used inbetween sections. That's a dozen instances of Dean Karnazes. His story wasn't particularly moving is the thing. His story was about how his daughter wanted to do a street race with him and showed a particular amount of courage by pushing through the pain. His contribution wasn't about him, it was about his daughter. I understand how that could be one of the most memorable moments of his life, but it just wasn't particularly moving since the whole world doesn't idolize his daughter. We wanted to read about Dean Karnazes for goodness sake. I wanted to know why he ran that first time, why he ever ran a single mile over a marathon, and why he chose this to be his whole life, his lasting contribution. Certainly it wasn't so once he was known the world over for running, he can see his daughter show a precocious amount of grit on race day. Sure its nice to have a story by Dean Karnazes in this book, but I don't know if his contribution was worth a cover.

Then there were the cancer survivor stories. Cancer survivor stories are intrinsically motivational. No one can fathom just how painful that brush with mortality is until it actually happens. Too bad that the tales of cancer survival played out like lifetime original movies. Most of the stories were also written by friends of cancer survivors, which had almost no depth at all. It makes me wonder if there was a stack of cancer survivor stories that they rejected because they were too real.

The triathlon stories were neither here nor there. And they were all the same. There I said it.

Would I recommend this book? Hell no. Take your $11.99 and go buy Born to Run.